Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
