so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's never too late to be topless.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
