I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
