Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
