Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
