The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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