I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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