i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
