didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
