yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
