im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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