I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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