We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
