Your dad touched me again.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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