And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
