Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
