Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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