okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
