So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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