Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
