I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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