You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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