Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
