great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
