He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
