I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
