girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
