i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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