I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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