I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That accounts for only three of the penises
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
