He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
