I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
