The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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