Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
