Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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