So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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