Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The uberlube is also flammable
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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