I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
