I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
