It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
