when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
