i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
