I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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