the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
