What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
