Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
