Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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