Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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