He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
