Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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