I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
