i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
