just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
