I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
